Must be very painful for the mother. Very hard, even. He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. It is totally heart breaking. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. I know you'll be great. You ask about the girl not wanting to talk to mom on the phone. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. It really hurts me. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. Dont let this woman take your child. I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. At 12 mos the situation was improved. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. there was even one night where she pushed me away and tried to crawl away when i got near. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. Its all new to me and its hard to mother when youre only 22. Dear mom, do you think that you might be suffering from a postpartum depression? the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. I was always there for him. I love him so much and have never felt so hurt or rejected. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. I dont know what to do. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. Hi all. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. But I feel like there are some differences, too. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. Paula is right. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! Please dont give up on your babies. this is just a phase. Am a single mum living with my parents. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! Any parent who has been there can relate to your pain. Secondly, it will help you and your hubby becoming partners in parenting more. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. Im so glad I found this post! So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . Im very concerned about you. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. Much more effective than disciplining a child. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. Why he wont sleep with me, hold my hand, kiss me, hug me To make matters worse my mum died when I was 7 and my dad and 6 other sibblings have always rejected me as I was growig up, even to this day they dont have time for me. I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? And sure enough, the moment I made an effort to lift my own spirits he naturally was back to being in my arms again. I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. I have been in a relationship with his father for 13 years and we have a terrible physical relationship. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. seems like they dont need me anymore. And I would say it is actually a good sign. But when she is sick, she comes running to mommy to give her medicine and take here to the doctors. Its been like this since he was a newborn. And my dad is simply crazy about her. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). Well, disobeing the court orders she left with the child to another state without any communication or notice of where she was going. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. This can be incredibly painful and worrying for the parent not in favor, but in most cases this is part of the babys development process. our babies love us. I looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as we lived alone. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! I think children, at least those without attachment disorders (could this be a possibility with your daughter, I cant recall if you wrote that your little girl IS attached to her dad and just not to you? My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. First of all, I totally understand that your daughter mainly wanting you is very painful for her mom and it is considerate of you to try to help fix the situation. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. My concern would be if s/he was not bonding with ANYONE, that would indicate a different problem altogether. Hi! Even if its only by God and me I suppose. Im ready to walk but want to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in December with another little boy. It kills me and its making me resent her so much. Thanks for taking the time to read, She should be proud to have raised such a loving mom. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. Paula, please give me some advice! Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. Thank you so much for your reply. Which just doesnt help at all! It is an intensive period. She returned to work 12 days later because she wanted to save her unpaid leave so she could spend time with Eden after she . thank you for writing tips on coping. Please help! Im so depressed over this. I am not defending what the babys mom did. Why does he also reject me, I cant bath him, read to him, eat with him, fed him play with him. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. Tonight, he did not want to come to me she had to push him on me! I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. In fact, seems to be a little bit of a common trend in babies around this age. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. Adjustment takes time. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. I used to adore my parents to death. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. I found the updates especially helpful, so I thought Id return the favour and post mine too. Honestly I dont know what to do and I am tired of my ex making me feel horrible each time he says she doesnt want to leave or having it written up in court papers thinking there is abuse. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. It is so important that you separate this! But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. This has been for pretty much his whole life. The worst thing is that when my husband holds him, he snuggles and cuddles into his daddy and smiles and babbles, and my heart just breaks. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. This could change any day. Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. Just being honest with you. I often wonder if it was like a viscious circle: he didnt want me, I got upset, he didnt want to be around me because I was upset, which made me more upset, which made him even less inclined to be around me and so on and so on. Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. For many adopted children, it certainly IS different t be adopted. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. You can do it. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. its my first child n i love her lots cos it took long for me to have her . dont get me wrong, she just doesnt seem to have any kind of attachment to me at all.it makes me feel worthlesssomeone replaceableis this something that will pass, or should I talk to her doctor? So I came online, and read this entire thread. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. Though it seems that my daughter doesnt even want me when Im there, she is always clinging to her grandma it hurts a lot when i see her do that, i mean Im the one that has stayed awake for her all night when she was sick, i am the one that does everything for her. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. It will pass. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, I am so confused and sad. Because thats what is happening! A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. By the time all my training was done may daughter was 14 months old and had been with my mother the entire time. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. So youve done great job. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. my son is a very social baby in general he goes to people he met them for the first time and let them hold him and play with him. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. you cant help it. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. I hope its just a phase. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. Ive been home with her from the beginning. My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. But I think something else is equally important if not more. Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. I have a 11 month old little girl. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. read about this website and how it all started here. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. Toddler Milestones. I feel very bad. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. She cant even choose not to, because you are her mom. But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. I know he is only 9 months but shouldnt 9 month old babies already recognise their mothers? She is having a tough time, but please let her know that this really is a normal development stage. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, dont take it personally and dont worry. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. She was with me mornings and nights. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. Can someone give me a lil advice to help me. (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. Not an easy task as my parents DID love me conditionally. I know a significant factor in my issues with my son was my inability to bond because of my terrible adjustment to being a mother/post partum depression. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. My 9 month old baby seems to get attached to everyone and any one. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. 6. (And no chords these evening until your baby is asleep! Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. She is breastfed but dh has been been What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? I breastfeed and she doesnt like when I look at her or she will fuss again. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! Now I just started work, and she doesnt even bat an eyelid when I leave or when I get home, I try and play with her and she still ignores me most of the time, or gets mad and wants daddy. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? There are a few things I would like to say to you. Consider using an Supplemental Nursing System to supplement. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. Please help me to know what is the problem? Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. Or is my situation just too unique? Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. She was a real daddys girl up to about 3 months ago. It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. I am not a horrible mother, in fact I am a stay at home mother. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! Pls help. Please dont give up. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. One is of course that you and your wife need to start talking to each other on how to raise your child. And I was the one at home. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. That is wonderful for your little daughter! You can also make sure your baby finishes one breast before . You can implement routines that only you and your daughter do together, such as an evening bath and bedtime story (if that is something your daughter enjoys). However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. 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Does feel like everything is against me 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning work! At the moment it for the 8 or 9 months but shouldnt 9 month daughter... Father for 13 years and we have a wonderful 5 month old and he is looked after by mother. Will benefit all of you to reject us know all about attachment and. Inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute this and. Felt rejected i didnt stop trying to play with her now and is...
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